I Want To Get Married! What Am I Doing Wrong?

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:
-Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
-Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
-Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
-How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

To Marry Or NOT To Marry?..

There's a fascinating story about professional matchmaking in the New York Times Magazine this week. What I found particularly interesting was the way that the matchmakers discussed in the piece profile their clients and make a match. It's a lot like the way that top sales people and customer intelligence specialists operate.

As the piece shows, there are numerous problems that prevent people from finding an appropriate mate. One is that they are not exposed to enough potential spouses. (Their sample sizes are not large enough -- or their samples are not appropriate.) Perhaps they work too many hours or they are too shy to go to parties. They don't get out enough. Professional matchmakers keep a special database of possible mates that's based on particular characteristics and profile elements. They have these people fill out a brief questionnaire and they rigorously interview them. The best matchmakers are very selective about who goes into the database.

Another problem that marriage hopefuls face is that they are not always a good judge of character. They choose to date people that may seem attractive at some level but turn out not to be good marriage material. Professional matchmakers, however, have experience -- way more than the typical matchmaking client does. They've seen the patterns. They've seen the results associated with putting certain types of people together. In some respects, they know you better than you know yourself.

The final problem is that people cannot advise themselves. They just can't be objective -- or diligent -- enough. It takes a matchmaker to play the role of coach and drive some sense into some people. Many have unrealistic expectations of their potential mates. It's the matchmaker's job to be tough -- and drive clarity. One matchmaker mentioned in the piece even scolds her male clients who cannot make up their minds. She'll say, ''Are you like a little boy in a candy store who can't decide? Because I'm not here to provide candy. Do you want to get married or not?''' Indeed, they pay tens of thousands of dollars for this type of treatment.

While some people may see hope in the Internet as a vehicle for matchmaking it turns out that many Net daters tend to lie on their questionnaires. Match.com and eHarmony.com may not be able to effectively link you up if everyone is lying in cyberspace just to get laid. Unfortunately, this happens a lot. When the decision is as high stakes as the person you are going to marry, it may be worth the investment of $20K (plus a marriage bonus) to have some personal guidance and attention.

What struck me about this piece, however, was how much professional matchmaking runs in parallel to world-class selling. Sales people that are considered "eagles" tend to be as trustworthy (and well compensated) as professional matchmakers. Their enlightened self-interest lies not in persuading someone to buy, but rather, in making successful matches. They know their clients well and they also know what needs to happen to make them successful (and happy). Customer intelligence helps companies (and their people) make the right matches.

But here's where the romantic types will resist. It's not about magic. It's not about love at first sight. Professional matchmakers think in rational and objective terms. "They have a finely honed ability to instantly classify people anthropologically, according to socioeconomic type, and pair them off accordingly," states the article. "Behind this kind of matchmaking lies a deep distrust of romance, as we usually imagine the word. Matchmakers believe that people should stop their agonized search for soul mates. After all, a soul mate can be glimpsed in many inappropriate objects: the soul may be located in someone who is too young or too old or too poor or the wrong religion or a convicted felon who is married to your sister. Half of literature concerns the perils of falling for a soul mate: the Victorian heroine runs off with the gardener; Romeo decides he can't live without the daughter of a family with whom his is feuding. And these tales always end badly, with disgrace and death, so that the normal order of society can be soberly restored."

As with sales and marketing, the profession of matchmaking is becoming increasingly scientific and left-brain. And though intuition and experience are still important, the matchmaker's primary weapon is not cupid's arrow, but rather insight and analysis. Some might consider the new matchmaking a bloodlessly rational process. That may not fit the romantic fantasies of courting that we've always had. (In fact, the matchmakers never get invited to their clients' weddings.) The question is: "Do you want to get married or not?"